


Weakness

by Mickey_99



Series: Haikyuu Soulmates AU [10]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Homophobia, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Self-Hatred, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:34:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24333682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mickey_99/pseuds/Mickey_99
Summary: Yaku's Story(Part of a series)
Relationships: Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Hinata Shouyou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma & Yaku Morisuke, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou & Yaku Morisuke
Series: Haikyuu Soulmates AU [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736596
Comments: 18
Kudos: 240





	Weakness

**Author's Note:**

> Okay Akaashi's story is up after this on but at least for me its not giving to option to just click for the next one in the series.

“God you have the perfect body for me,” The man said grunting.” You’re so fucking small.”

I clenched my eyes shut and tried to block out the smells that were assaulting my senses. I hated this feeling. I hated feeling my arms pushed above my head and being stretched out for someone else’s sick pleasure. I hated myself for letting them. I should be stronger. No other boys in my middle school would let this happen to them. I should be stronger. This shouldn’t be happening to me.

My wrists were sore from the amount of pressure the man was putting on them while he fucked into my body. I felt my skin crawl and my stomach churn. My room smelled like sex. I’d already had 5 customers that day. My ass was sore, and there was crusted blood all over my sheets.

_If people found out how weak I actually am I would be the laughingstock of the school._

Who would believe me when I said my own mother forced me to pleasure these me? Who would ever believe me that this is even happening? Who would even care?

_I am so goddamn weak._

I let out a yelp as the man spilled inside off me. He rolls off and walks over to the door with easy strides. Strides that probably wouldn’t be easy for me for the next week. I bent my head into the pillow and cried.

_I hate my body._

_I hate how small I am._

_I hate myself._

I buried my head into my pillow and sobbed.

I was never able to start in volleyball games in elementary school. My legs never moved fast enough. I physically couldn’t get my legs to move through the pain. I would sit on the bench wishing for the day when I could walk without pain in my lower back. Where a single step didn’t mean complete agony. Where I could sit straight in my seat and not crookedly.

But every single night I got home, and the endless cycle began again.

During middle school I trained myself to ignore the pain. I trained myself to fight through it and play anyways.

Sometimes I toyed with the idea that maybe I could tell someone. Maybe I could say I was being hurt at home.

_Who would believe you?_

_No one would care about you anymore._

_You’re weak._

Middle school years were the worst of my entire life.

Meeting Kuroo for the fist time had been a blessing in disguise. Him and I bickered about everything. We could never agree or come to a consensus.

“Kuroo Tetsuro from Class 1-2.”

“Yaku Morisuke from Class 1-3.”

“Yeah I know,” Kuroo spat after I told him my name and class. I already hated this guy.

“Have we met before?” I ask, wondering why this guy looked like he wanted to murder me the second he saw my face.

“In a tournament my first year of junior high, we got wrecked by your team,” The taller male says staring down at me.

I hate when people stare down at me.

_You’re weak._

“Oh, I see.” I say getting pissed off. “Yeah, I don’t remember that at all. By the way, stop looking down at me.”

I spit out the last part glaring even harder than before. The two of us were immediately in each other’s face and I tried my best to let my anger overshadow my fear of being looked down on by this taller male.

Kuroo was in a smarter class than me, he liked to use big words when we argued.

And we were constantly arguing. Whether it be about food or female hair. Whether it be about pets or what type of volleyball to use. We even argued about what types of bathroom were better.

Somehow, I looked forward to my daily banter with Kuroo; it made me feel normal. It made me forget about the pain I felt. It made me forget about the pain I was going to feel later that night. I felt myself slowly becoming more relaxed around Kuroo because despite him being taller, he acknowledged me as a strong person. Somehow, I knew this without ever even needing him to tell me.

“Have you met your soulmate yet Yaku?” Kuroo asks while we are eating lunch one day.

“No,” I say simply,” I don’t really think much about soulmates. Why have you?”

“Yup,” Kuroo says,” We are having some trouble reaching our emotional bond though. I was wondering if you knew anything.”

“Well I mean I’ve read some places that you can’t reach the different bonds sometimes because of a lack of trust. Like if its physical your soulmate has to trust you physically, and if its emotional they have to trust you emotionally. Other times it might be that you have another soulmate as well. I know for a fact its harder to reach the different stages if you don’t have all soulmates together.” I say.

He looks thoughtful for a moment,” Aren’t Polybonds rare?”

“Not super rare,” I say back,” They just make up less of the population.”

“But still the likelihood of Kenma and I having one is still slim,” Kuroo responds.

“Yeah but not impossible,” I say back,” I am just saying there are multiple reasons why your bonds might not be forming and so therefore you shouldn’t get nervous about it.”

“I’m not nervous,” He says turning away agitated,” Besides even if I was, I wouldn’t go to you for help.”

I smirk while taking a sip of my water. “Sure Kuroo.”

He doesn’t say anything back, but I can see a smile on his face too.

Things got worse at home near the end of my second year of high school. The beatings from my mother reached a point where I had to hide the bruises under pounds and pounds of makeup.

I eventually started hearing whispers from my classmates at school.

“Did you know he wears makeup.”

“Maybe he’s a fag?”

“He looks so small.”

The last comment always caused me to blow a gasket and try to throw children out windows.

“Hey!” Kuroo said one day when we were sitting at lunch. The table next to us had been dicks for the entire lunch period. I had even started hiding my face in my hands to cover up the fact that I was indeed wearing makeup. “If you don’t knock it off, I’ll show you what a faggot can really do.”

I watched as he stood up from the table. Kenma promptly looked up from his game and forced Kuroo back into his seat.

“Stop it Kuroo,” Kenma says eyes back on his game,” Yaku probably wants to avoid a scene.”

Kuroo begrudgingly sits down before turning and sticking his tongue out at the table next to us who now looked scared for their lives.

“That’s not very mature.” I deadpan.

“Shut up Mom,” he spits at me. He sinks into his seat,” God I can’t stand homophobic people. It makes no goddamn sense. Soulmates are literally decided by fate itself. I don’t understand how people can just write it off as my choice for being attracted to boys at that point.”

“Some people say fate chooses based on what gender you grow attracted to,” I say,” Their argument is that you can choose who you find attractive and thereby have fate choose a partner of the opposite sex.”

“Well I still choose boys,” Kuroo says glaring at me,” What are you homophobic too?”

I feel a flash of anger flow through me and I glare,” Obviously not!”

“Well you sure do seem to know a lot about their side of the argument,” he says snapping back. I watch as my best friend promptly gets up and makes his way out of the cafeteria. For the first time ever, our argument doesn’t help me escape from the mess at home. Kuroo was actually mad at me. And it hurt more than I had ever thought it would.

“It’s okay Yaku,” Kenma says looking at me,” His parents kicked him out his last year of middle school because a male was his soulmate. He just hates people who are homophobic, and the hole argument they use pisses him off. You did nothing wrong; he just needs to learn to keep his anger under control.”

His voice is even the entire time, like he is simply stating facts.

“Can you let him know I didn’t mean anything by it,” I say quietly. I start packing up my bento box and I grab my books,” I was just stating the argument. I have never believed in it. I mean I’m gay too.”

Kenma nods but doesn’t look up from his game. And I rush out of the cafeteria.

That night my body actually breaks. I can feel my arm breaking. I can feel my ribs cracking. I can feel things tearing. And the next day I can barely make it to the train in time. I arrive to the club room with my legs shaking, everyone else had already gone on to practice. There was no way I would be able to practice. My arm was a blackish blue color and swollen and my ribs looked even worse. Not to mention there was blood seeping down my pant leg. Hell, there was no way I could go to school in this state. My gray pants were now showing spots of deep red. My body suddenly felt to heavy to support itself and I stumbled back slamming down on the ground. I bit my hand to keep from screaming out in pain.

_You have to move._

_Do you want them to see how weak you are?_

I whimpered lightly as I leaned against the lockers. Tears were leaking out of my eyes heavily and my entire body ached something awful.

Suddenly the clubroom door opens, and I hurry to hide my face in my knees. My arm hangs limply at my side.

“Yaku?” A voice says quietly.

And of course, the first person to ever discover me in this state would be Kuroo.

“Yaku? What’s wrong?” He grips my arm to get me to look at him, but I let out a yelp of pain. I feel him roll up my sleeve before sucking in a harsh breath.

“Holy shit. What happened Yaku?” He asks. His voice is more serious now. I feel him grab my chin and force me to look at him.

I watch as his eyes go wide. I knew exactly what he was looking at. There was a bruise underneath my eye along with a cut from my mother’s ring that she always wears. There is another bruise along my jaw, and I hadn’t had time to clean up my nose this morning choosing instead to do it here and just hid my face in my jacket till I got the chance. There was dark finger like bruises that were snaked around my neck as well as hickeys that lay on my jawbone and beneath my ear.

“I’m sorry,” I said tears sprouting into my eyes,” I didn’t have time to cover it up, and it all hurts so much. I really didn’t mean for you to find out. I’m so goddamn weak.”

“Stop that,” he says pulling me into his chest,” I need you to tell me what’s wrong now, we have plenty of time to go over whatever the fuck you just said later. Right now, you look half dead. Are you hurt anywhere else?”

“My ribs,” I say, I didn’t have the energy to fight against the taller man.

I watch as he pulls up my shirt and sucks in a breath,” Shit those are broken.”

“No shit sherlock,” I spit back. But Kuroo isn’t listening to me. Instead he’s brought a hand up to the dark hand like bruises that sat on my hips.

I sucked in a breath and clenched my eyes shut.

_You’re so weak._

_YOU’RE SO WEAK._

**_YOU’RE SO WEAK._ **

“Yaku,” Kuroo says looking me in the eye,” I need you to tell me what’s going on. This is serious.”

I hold back a choked sob.

“You won’t believe me,” I say crying.

“Are you being raped? Because if that the case I already believe you.” He says.

I don’t say anything, I just let my head fall onto my best friend’s shoulder.

“She makes me do it,” I say quietly,” They pay her money and she makes me sleep with them. It’s been like that since I was 8.”

I feel his had come up to run through my hair.

“We have to get you to the hospital, okay? You aren’t going back there but we have to get you to the hospital. I need to go get Kenma so he can call his mom. Will you be okay for a couple minutes? I will make sure no one but Kenma and I can see you.”

I nod my head slowly and then watch as my best friend darts out the door. He didn’t take long. He must have somehow gotten Kenma to sprint because the two of them were back in four minutes.

But it that time the blood on the back of my pants was now soaking through. When I had landed hard on my rear it had probably reopened anything that had healed. My head was getting dizzy.

“Kuroo,” Kenma says noticing the blood pooling between my legs before his soulmate does,” We need an ambulance.”

Kuroo whips around and looks at the blood pooling between my legs before hanging up the phone from Kenma’s mom and changing it over to 119.

Kenma meanwhile walks over to me.

“Yaku you need to stay awake okay,” Kenma says. And for the first time ever his voice shows some kind of emotion other than bored. I look into his eyes and see genuine worry. “There aren’t many people who can put up with Kuroo like I can; I need you to stay alive for my own sanity.”

I crack a smile and I see Kenma crack a small one as well. I feel Kenma’s hands running through my hair. And I feel myself give into the tiredness that had been tugging at my body since I left home.

When I woke up again it was to an obnoxious beeping noise coming from behind my head. Slowly I blinked my eyes open. I felt my eyelids stuck together from the crust that had formed. I bring my hand up to wipe it away only to see a needle is poked into my skin.

_It’s an IV._

_Oh, I’m in the hospital._

“Oh, you’re up.” I hear Kuroo’s voice and it startles me out of my own head. I look over to see him laying down on the couch in the room,” Kenma went back to the school to get our work and to let coach know that we won’t be there at evening practice. Though I assume he’s already heard. Entire school watched you get carted off by an ambulance.”

“Do they know- “

“They don’t know why,” Kuroo says, Kenma told the kids that were watching that you got really sick. Though you are going to have to tell an adult, because I am not letting you go back to that house.”

“No one will believe me,” I say quietly.

“I believe you,” Kuroo says,” Is that why you never came to me? Because you thought I wouldn’t believe you? Do I really come off as that much of an ass?”

“It’s not like that,” I said,” It’s just… I’m small… and… I’m weak and I fucking hate the fact that I’ve let all this happen to me.”

“So, what,” Kuroo says, and I look up shocked,” I don’t agree with what you are saying one bit. Though we have never really agreed so I don’t expect you to start listening to me now. The only thing I agree with you on is that you are small. But so, what? That doesn’t make you strong or weak. You’re one of the strongest people I know. No one was going to be able to handle a situation like that. At least not alone.”

“So, what do I do now?” I ask looking at my hands.

“Kenma’s family has agreed to take you in for the time being,” Kuroo says,” It would only be for another year because Kenma and I are moving out once I graduate and moving in with Bokuto and Akaashi. Well that is if Akaashi and Bokuto can work out all the shit they are going through right now. But I figure one year is enough time for you to get on your feet. If not, you can always move in with us to an apartment.”

“Has my mom come to see me?” I ask.

“The police went to find her, but she was gone before they even made it to her door. The house was empty,” He said,” Either way you aren’t going back there.”

Kuroo was right. I never went back to that house. In fact, I avoided it like the plague. Kenma and Kuroo helped explain my broken arm as me passing out and landing on it wrong when I got sick. The other kids at school were none the wiser. Kenma also ended up being good at makeup and helped me cover up my bruises so I wasn’t asked questions at school.

“If you’re in a better place now, I see no reason as to why you should have to be hounded about your appearance at school,” Kenma said applying the makeup to my face.

Staying with Kenma’s parents wasn’t bad. They welcomed me and were nice enough, and they tried hard to bring me into things and include me. But I isolated myself when I wasn’t at school. Sometimes it took Kuroo and Kenma dragging me out of bed for me to even move on a weekend.

Towards the beginning of our third year we played against Karasuno. And Kenma and Kuroo met Hinata Shouyou, their third soulmate. The two had been absolutely ecstatic when they had finally made it back to the team.

“We met our third soulmate,” Kuroo says to me smiling fondly,” I guess you were right about why our bonds weren’t forming.”

The next day as I saw Hinata jumping around during the volleyball match I knew exactly why he had been paired with the two of them. He had a drive to prove himself like no other, one that drove you along with him. And his smile lit up the entire room.

There was a weird feeling in my gut that said I should go talk to him, but my anxiety and fear kept me from doing so. Instead I chose to speak with Karasuno’s team mom.

Everyone else slowly started to meet their soulmates one by one. So, it shouldn’t have surprised me when my soulmate showed up one day. Tall, dark, and arrogant.

Lev Haiba.

I hated the boy at first. He was prideful, arrogant, and so incredibly stupid that it actually hurt. How many times did I have to boot a single boy out of the stratosphere before he learned not to call me short?

And for all these reasons I didn’t even know Lev was my soulmate until the spring high tournament. I had stepped on someone’s foot during the Nohebi game when receiving a ball and managed to snap my ankle to the side. When I got up, I realized I wasn’t the only one in pain.

Lev was also on the ground and he was holding his ankle from the phantom pain that he was feeling.

But that wasn’t right? Even if Lev was my soulmate, I didn’t trust the boy at all. Lev looked at me in utter amazement, and if not for the pain in my ankle I would have smacked him for making me think he looked cute looking at me like that.

“You have to put a wall up,” Kuroo says quietly, even though most the team probably realized why both me and Lev had fallen to the ground in pain.

I nod before putting up a wall, ignoring the way it seemed to constrict my heart. As long as I wasn’t moving around a lot it shouldn’t hurt to bad. I watched as Lev continued to play.

_Did I trust Lev physically?_

It wasn’t until Lev pulled off the block at the end of the game that I decided. Yeah, I actually did trust Lev.

Later that night the two of us talked. And I decided that if I trusted this dumbass boy physically then maybe I could trust him emotionally as well.

“Lev,” I said. The two of us were sitting outside the gym with our backs against the wall.

“Yeah Yaku?” He asked. His full attention turned to me and it was jarring. I had never truly looked into his eyes before, but his eyes were a beautiful emerald green that almost stunned me into silence.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have sex with you,” I said quietly,” It’s got nothing to do with you… It’s just… I was being… raped at home up until the end of last year. I’m sorry if that makes you not want to be with me anymore.”

“Huh?” he says confused. And then he lays down and sets his head in my lap,” Why would that make me not want to be with you anymore. I’m just amazed you’re my soulmate. You’re super strong and nice. I’ve always thought you were perfect but totally out of my league.”

Lev now has his arm placed over his eyes but he’s peaking slightly over the top to see my reaction. But instead of forcing him to read my facial expressions, for once I let him read me by actions. I grab him by the collar of the shirt and bring his lips to mine.

When I graduated high school Lev and I ended up moving in together. Suga and Daichi actually ended up being our roommates much to my surprise. And it was as I sat in that apartment one day that I got the text.

**_Shouyou_** **has** _added_ ** _You_** _,_ **_Kageyama Tobio, Kunimi Akira_** _,_ **_Tendou Satori_** _,_ ** _Shirabu Kenjirou_** _,_ ** _Yamaguchi Tadashi_** _,_ ** _Goshiki Tsutomu_** _, and_ ** _Akaashi Keiji_** _to a group chat._

**_Shouyou:_** _This is Hinata Shouyou from Karasuno High School._ If _you have burning questions about your past that you need answered, come to Tokyo on Sunday. Kenma and Kuroo’s place. If you can’t or don’t want to that’s fine, it’s your choice. But if you have any desire to have answers, I have some._

Part of me wanted to ignore it. Part of me wanted to say that I had healed. But another part of me nagged that I had questions that maybe they had the answers to. The second part of me won.

**_ Am I weak because I let it happen? _ **

[Join the discord!!!](https://discord.gg/ebQ9kg5Q7r)

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think. I have actually been writing and rewriting this one all day. So I really hope you like the route I settled on finally.


End file.
